Taylor J

Taylor J

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Oh Target, You Lil Devil

I have a personal blog site. Sometimes I stay up late and drink wine and blog. Here is a post from my blog site about my run to Target Monday night.

As I left work this evening, I posted that my Target shopping list consisted of three things: CatFood, Box Wine and Mouthwash. I am a stereotype. 

I did go to Target and I did purchase those things. And somehow a romper that no one, but no one, but ME will ever see from the clearance rack ended up in my cart. Let's see... Oh yeah, I threw a $20 sports bra in my cart. See, the thinking here is that if I actually buy a sports bra, hot damn, i'm one step closer to actually walking two floors below my apartment and getting on the elliptical machine for 30 minutes some day. Or maybe closer to that walk by the river, two block from my home. Or better yet, actually getting in my car and driving 2/3 of a mile to the YMCA i've been a member of since the beginning of 2019 and walking through the door!!! Yes, these are the thoughts that go through my head on my Target run. 

And here's one more thought. . . well, why don't I start using my barely used/don't really know how to use Instant Pot I bought a few months ago at Walmart. Ok. Googling easy Instant Pot recipes in the middle of Target seems like the thing to do at 8:30pm on a Monday night. 

The recipes I came up with included a recipe for French Dip that apparently had been pinned 131,000 times on Pinterest. I haven't a clue what that means, but it sounds like a winner. I used to love the Tuscan White Bean Hummus at Houlihans, this recipe for Tuscan White Bean soup sounds great. I begin the circular search for ingredients for both of these dishes in the Target grocery aisle. Circular search means canned tomatoes are in aisle three, grab canned tomatoes, go to produce for zucchini, go back to aisle three for pinto beans, go back to produce for rolls, go to aisle 4 for spices, go back to produce for meat, etc... 

Nearing 9:30pm, I checked out. I really fouled this check out up because in the make up section, they had some higher end trial sized items, buy three, get one free. I only wanted a couple tubes of facial cleanser, but had to buy one more item to get another free. I opted to try a small shampoo out. Then, I saw red wine teeth wipes. Genius. Let's get 'em. Well... during check out, that little bottle of shampoo fell to the corner of the cart and I didn't notice it. After all $202 were rung up (very expensive cat food, mouthwash and box wine tonight), the cashier noticed that there was a bottle of shampoo left in the cart. I said, "Oh boy. I really messed this up since i've already paid. Just forget this little bottle. Was trying to get it free, buy three get one free." She said, "Ok." Thanks.

I live in an apartment building, so the laws of my universe would most definitely not allow me a parking space close to my building with $200 worth of Target bags (many canned goods) to carry in. I managed to get everything perishable inside in one trip. Hmmm.... that's funny, where is the chuck roast and ground beef? Looks like it was rung up, everything else is here. I must have left it in the trunk. I go back down and look. "Nope. No meat in this trunk." Did I drop the bag with meat in it? I didn't see it anywhere between my vehicle and my apartment. 

I called Target, by this time, the store had been closed for 45 minutes, no answer. Well, great. It seems I won't be able to make this award winning French Dip sandwich at 11pm now! Dammit.  Nor will I be able to tell my vat of Tuscan White Bean soup to "get in my belly" at midnight. I think the universe was working in my favor, truly. I am 100% that bitch that will stay up until 2am trying out something new on a school night, especially if it means I will have lunch for tomorrow decided and not have to endure my daily "Oh, should I order Panera delivery? It's so expensive. Should I skip lunch? I don't know what to do." This pathetic indecisiveness starts at 1:30pm most days and today, ended at 3pm with me shoving a dollar in the vending machine for some chex mix and a diet coke. Sad, sad, sad. 

What did I do instead when I realized my meat was missing? Ate cold chick fil-a and watched the end of Season Six of the late series Californication. Anyone wanna bet I won't call Target tomorrow and ask about my meat while I delusionally pretend I, simply, forgot a $20 off Target coupon?" It's not soup. It's not Pinterest French Dip, but it is almost 2am and I did create something. Thank you for reading. 

For more random, insane blogs like this, please check out my blog whendoigetmychampagne.com. It's catered toward people who suck at adulting.

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